The age of chivalry dead?
Norman Forrest

Has the stereotypical Gentleman of bygone years been superseded by a new 21st century gentleman?

In today's modern western society with the advent of the women's movement in the 1960 && 70's we have gradually seen a change develop in the attitude of both men to women and women to men.

In years gone by, extreme acts of gentlemanly behavior would include -walking on the roadside of a lady to save her from an accident, placing his coat on wet ground so that a lady's shoes would not be muddied, lavish her with expensive gifts, take her for a picnic and a ride in a small canoe on a lake, always wear a suit to the dinner table and buy a bunch of flowers every day.

Obviously all these extreme acts of behavior had a trade off and in the case of a married couple it resulted in the man controlling the woman's behavior and lifestyle. As the woman did not work, she did not have an independent income and was solely reliant on her husband for money and hence putting "food on the table". So although spoilt by very gentlemanly deeds the woman was deprived of her independence.

In this controlled situation many ungentlemanly events occurred like sexual abuse, violence, very demanding behavior including depriving women of any monetary rights e.g. they would receive a weekly budget to run the home but if they wanted to buy a new dress or clothes for the children they would have to beg their husbands for money. Hence you had extreme human behavior- very good and very bad. This of course was not the situation in all families, most were very loving relationships but with the man still in control.

The women's movement brought about men treating women differently and today due to extreme acts of self-sacrifice by a very determined and outspoken band of suffragettes(为妇女争取投票权的女性), women are now treated as equals. They work, buy clothes with their own money ( plus their husbands' money), go to lunch, the theatre and vote. However a loving relationship with a man is still important.

The trade off is that the gentlemanly acts of the past have also diminished. Now gentlemanly behavior includes opening the car door, giving a lady right of way, roses on special occasions like Valentine's Day or going out for a romantic candle-lit dinner.

Probably what is more important is that couples now treat each other with respect and equality with both sharing the work, housework and future plans.

So although in western society the gentlemanly acts may have decreased I think a woman is far better off as a person and the gentlemanly acts of today are more sincere.

How to recognize a gentleman?

Garry Greenwood
Recently I was asked how to recognize a gentleman. I really had to think hard. It's not that I don't know what a gentleman should be like - it's more a matter of how they should act, and this can be a problem for many foreigners today.

Why? Roles for men and women have been changing rapidly in the West, especially since the rise of the feminist movement. Many western women feel that they don't want or need the type of treatment often offered by a gentleman.　But it also means that it can be more difficult to spot the gentleman since he might be reluctant or not permitted to offer or display his courteous manners for fear that his motives might be misunderstood or dismissed. I know of many men, I would call gentlemen, who are now confused about their roles when it comes to relating with women. For example, when it comes to paying the restaurant bill -who should pay? Some western women would insist on paying their portion whilst others would expect the man to pay. Even asking who should pay can be problematic.

Trying to explain this phenomenon was also problematic for me - that was until a young lady stood up and suggested that perhaps it's "what's in the heart" that is more important. If a man has the heart of a gentleman then in spite of everything, he will eventually be recognized as a gentleman.

Not in who pays or who opens doors.
A gentleman should be just that--a gentle man.
A man who does not adhere to conventions and so treats U well, but a man who in his heart does not feel U are any less than him. Open, unmarked by prejudice, not consumed by a desire for control and please, keep away the ego. A real turn-off.
Don't keep your woman on a tight-rope trying to please U and be 'womanly'.

All I can tell all those men who wish to be gentlemen--do unto her as you would wish done to Ur daughter!!!