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IDOL
post May 30 2006, 08:05 AM
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one thing more..........i guess it is not too discouraging.......let me explain what i mean here



Word ...........................Meaning ................................................Conclusion



God.....(the creator, ur ever lasting friend, the beginnin of circle) .....friendship, love (+)

Birth....(orginating, starting an adventure) ....................................Spring, Start (+)

Success( achieving dreams)...................................................... hope, challenge (+)

Old age (a review of past, a chance to seek forgiveness) ..............wisdom,ripen, complete (+)

Death...(new journey out of material life) ....................................dignity,truth unity (+)

God.....(the creator, the ever lasting friend, the end of circle) ........relief, satisfiction, freedom(+)



the effects:



word god, stregthens ur faith, and doesn't let u to get lost in world

word birth, gives u a reminder , dun waste ur time

success, tells u why do u have to live

old age, tells u a big time to seek forgiveness

death, start of a big journey, a trip towards the truth, and ur origin

God, the end of the trip and companionship of the ever lasting friend, while family, loved ones, friends leave u one day, BUT he is always there



Note: never be scared of death, it's not an end, it's a beginning

Islamic quote: Prophet Mohd, PBUH has said, frequently visit graveyard, this will stregthen ur faith and evil cannot get successed on u.




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IDOL
post Jun 2 2006, 09:51 AM
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Make the Most of Your Social Circle
Research shows that healthy and supportive relationships can reduce stress and improve your overall health and sense of wellbeing. However, all relationships are not equally supportive. Building a network of supportive friends, or even just one supportive relationship, can be vital to your wellbeing, here are some key skills that can help you to build relationships with people that are truly supportive and sustaining, that will bring great benefits to you and your friends.

Meeting People- The more people you have in your life, the more likely you are to have truly supportive relationships with at least one of them. It's beneficial to be able to regularly add new people to your circle. Here are some good ways to meet people, and some tips to remember when making a new friend.



Time Management- It's important to make time to nurture relationships, and to go out and have fun with friends. You may feel like you just don't have time to spend on this, but time management and organization techniques can help you find more time in your life to spend on friendships. These techniques can also help you to show up on time, remember birthdays and other important events, help friends when they're in need, and do other things that will strengthen friendships and make them supportive.

Assertiveness- People often think of assertiveness as 'standing up for yourself' and 'not letting people push you around'—basically the alternative to passivity. While this is mostly true, assertiveness is also the alternative to aggressiveness, a way of handling people where you get your needs met at the expense of others' needs. Developing the skill of assertiveness can really help you strengthen your relationships, making them mutually supportive, lasting and opening the lines of communication.

Listening to Your Friends- When we've had a hard day, sometimes being able to talk to a friend about our feelings is all it takes to turn things around and turn stress into a feeling of connection and well-being. Being truly listened to and understood can have profound effects on us. When dealing with friends, it's important to give as well as receive this supportive type of listening when support is truly needed. Here are some things to remember when friends are taling about things that stress or upset them:
  • Ask them about their feelings, and listen.
  • Reflect back what you hear, so they know you really understand.
  • Instead of always trying to tie the conversation back to your experiences, focus questions on them and their feelings.
  • When they're talking, are you missing some of what they say because you're waiting for them to stop talking so you can say what you want to say next? Stop, and really listen to them.
Learn more about how to be a good listener, a very important skill to have.



Listening to Your Intuition- Some people give off positive energy that makes us feel good, and others give off negative energy that drains us. If you pay attention to the signals that your intuition sends you, and act on those signals, you'll have a healthier social circle. Here are some questions to ask yourself:
  • Does the conversation flow easily, or is it forced?
  • Do you feel they truly understand, accept and support you?
  • Do you feel you truly understand, accept and support them?
  • Do you feel better or worse about yourself when you're with them?
  • Do you leave them feeling energized or mildly depressed?
  • Do you include them in your life for positive qualities they have, or just to have more people in your life?
The answers to these questions, and what you can learn from this quiz will help you begin to develop your intuition, which will help you strengthen your relationships, or help you with...



Letting Go- Not everyone is an appropriate match. If there's someone in your life who makes you feel bad about yourself, doesn't share any of your interests or values, or is someone that you just don't mesh well with, it's perfectly acceptable to put that relationship on the back burner, let it fade away altogether, or not develop it in the first place. Even if you were at one time very close, people change and grow in different directions. It doesn't mean there's something 'wrong' with either of you, but if someone in your life is no longer good for you, it's perfectly acceptable to let them go. (Conversely, if you'd like to keep them in your life out of loyalty, albeit in a periphery role, that's okay, too. However, it would be beneficial to remember not to count on them for support, if they're not able to give it to you.) Only you know if the relationshipo is worth keeping or not, but it's important to have several people you can count on for support in your life. It takes some work, but cultivating a circle of truly supportive friendships can make a huge difference in how you handle stress and how you handle life.


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oye_sonu
post Jun 2 2006, 03:51 PM
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From: Wahan, jahan pyar mile :-) !
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QUOTE(IDOL @ May 30 2006, 08:50 AM) *

dear sonu,



thanks for participating and liking this thread...........i'm glad a good and active person is involved here............yes, i wrote those notes.........i gave information about my notes too..........that this might be based on my experience or on studies from Persian books........



about signature..........unfortunately, i am not able to change it for a while................whatever i make in my surrouding ,it has somethin to do with my own life.....................this signature , encourages me(however, u found it discouraging sad1.gif )...........this is the outline of life.........in case u ( me )get too drowned in material world.........seein this gives a big relief......sakoon milta hain....on the other hand, i am at the peak of my education (between university and college) ...........word "success" pushes me forward.............because here, it came 2nd in life's potential steps.........i'm sorry if this signature is not pleasing u..........u may ignore it untill i am done with my finals.............sorry for inconvience



Hi khobi

Sorry for making those comments. I hope u wer not hurt by those comments.
But I think Death is alwys taken in negative way irrespective of the religion a person belongs to.Even if religon says +ve abt Death all of us usually avoid discussing it.
Thts why I had made those comments. you can change the word death with " the ENd". else let it be like that..Your signature is totally abt u and I hardly shd have any say in that. smile.gif

I am repeating what I had told to Mandrake ji. I hope u are " practising" in real life whatever good things u learn.
Best of luck for ur studies and future life......... thumbs-up.gif

god bless

Sonu

PS : sory for late reply......bit busy in studies...so cant predict abt my timing

forgive me if I miss replying or reading ur post............bit busy :-( !
Duniya ne kitna samjhaya, kaun hai apna kaun paraya
Phir bhi dil ki chot chhupa kar humne aapka dil behalya
Khud hi mar mitne ki ye zid hai hamaari......
sach hai duniya waalon hum hain anari !

......back to basics!!!

My artists :-
Shankar Jaikishan- Composers with magical touch !!

This year we CELEBRATE 60 years of Shankar Jaikishan music . come join the celebrations !
Join the SJ fans group for more information :
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IDOL
post Jun 28 2006, 09:21 PM
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My Notes:


Subject: Education



some might agree that education is the biggest happiness in one's life. some people gets to know about value of education after teen life, but some knows right at the beginning. This topic is common. when ur little child in grade 3 or 4, u write pargraphs about "education" without understanding the meaning. It is all over the place, but an indepth study will reveal some new ideas that we hardly think about.



if ur a rich family's son/daughter, ur forced to study. well, force might not be a good word, but ur education life is already schedualed. mom and dad have already decided about u, which is a blessing. But, those who are born in a poor family, their mom and dad have no time to think about education as they are busy to feed u. slowly, as u grow up, u learn that education is so important in life. u struggle for that while u can't afford it. u want to have it at any cost, but financial status does not help u to achive ur goal. here comes the disaster that some quit, but some keeps working hard and hits their goal.



people believe what u struggle for has better taste than what u get as a granted. when a poor family's child gets his/her degree, that's the happiest moment of his/her life. however, it might be the same with rich child, but slightly different. rich child might cheer caoz he/she completed mom and dad's dream. poor child will cheer because he got what he was dreaming for. therefore, education is the biggest happiness in life in everyone's life.






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IDOL
post Jan 29 2007, 10:38 PM
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What is evolutionary psychology?



In the three and a half centuries since William Harvey proved that the purpose of the heart is to pump blood, physiologists have revealed the functional organization of the body in blinding detail. Their discoveries demonstrate beyond question that the structure of the body serves survival and reproduction. Further, there is near unanimity among biologists that this functional structure is a product of natural selection. In our century, psychologists have developed powerful techniques that conclusively demonstrate that cognition, too, has structure. Evolutionary psychologists are betting that cognitive structure, like physiological structure, has been designed by natural selection to serve survival and reproduction.

Evolutionary psychology focuses on the evolved properties of nervous systems, especially those of humans. Because virtually all tissue in living organisms is functionally organized, and because this organization is the product of evolution by natural selection, a major presumption of evolutionary psychology is that the brain, too, is functionally organized, and best understood in evolutionary perspective. It is clear that the body is composed of a very large number of parts, and that each part is highly specialized to perform a specific function in service of the survival and reproduction of the organism. Using the body as a model for the brain, it is a fair guess that the brain, too, is composed of one or more functional parts, each of which is also specialized to facilitate the survival and reproduction of the organism (we'll get to genes in a bit). Thus, according to evolutionary psychology, neural tissue is no different from any other tissue: it is functionally organized to serve survival and reproduction. This is the foundational assumption of evolutionary psychology. Because vision, hearing, smell, pain, and motor control are indisputable functions of the nervous system that clearly have utility for survival and reproduction, this assumption has a high degree of face validity. Further, these examples suggests that the brain may best be conceived not as an organ with a single function, but rather as composed of a large, and potentially vast number of functional parts. Evolutionary biologists refer to the functional components of organisms as 'adaptations'. Evolutionary psychologists often refer to brain functions as psychological adaptations, although they are not qualitatively different from other adaptations.

The functional organization of the body has been elucidated primarily by the direct examination of morphology. A detailed analysis of the structure and composition of our organs and tissues has resulted in an excellent understanding of their purpose. Unfortunately, this has not been the case with the brain. The gross morphology of the brain appears to have little connection with its functional properties. Although we have a fair understanding of nerve cells--the primary constituents of neural tissue--the properties of the brain clearly come from higher order assemblages of such cells, not just the cells themselves. This is just as true of organs like the heart as it is of the brain. Because nerve cells can rapidly change state (e.g., their firing rate), because such state-changes involve little energy, and because they can be well insulated from their neighbors, it is possible for a nerve cell to be in one state, whereas some of its close neighbors may be in completely different states. This is in marked contrast to, say, muscle cells. If one muscle cell is involved in a contraction, then nearby cells almost certainly are as well. Neural tissue is quite different. Even the individual states of nerve cells in a network depend critically on the topology of the network itself. Further, assemblages that are actually distinct may have a complex three-dimensional distribution that can be very difficult to untangle. These properties of neural tissue make it exceedingly difficult to "see" the morphology of neural assemblages--with few exceptions, the network topology of virtually our entire brain is currently "invisible." It exists at a scale above the individual cell, but well below that which can be teased apart with any imaging technology currently available. Until recent decades, much of our immune system was similarly "invisible."

Evolutionary psychology offers one way around this technological limitation. If researchers had a sound basis for proposing brain functions a priori, they could then seek indirect evidence that brains in fact have these functional properties. Philosophers and scientists had long wondered why living things are made up of an amazing array of beautifully designed mechanisms, an organization which non-living things completely lack. Why is it that entities that reproduce manifest overwhelming evidence of design, but entities that don't reproduce are utterly devoid of the same? As Darwin and Wallace first perceived, the association of reproduction and design is not accidental. Evolution by natural selection is currently accepted as the only process whereby entities can acquire functional properties. Functional organization is the consequence of the reproductive feedback that characterizes natural selection. If a population of reproducing entities (hereafter organisms) varies in some trait, if the variations can be passed on to offspring, and if, as a consequence of possessing a particular variant, an organism produces more offspring on average than organisms that lack that variant over evolutionary time, then the population will come to consist solely of organisms possessing the reproductively efficacious variant trait. In this way, populations of organisms will tend to acquire traits that facilitate reproduction and lose traits that hinder reproduction.

We now know that what is passed on to offspring is a large DNA molecule that is further partitioned into numerous sections called genes. Because the structure of this DNA is intimately bound up with the structure of the organism, variations in the DNA are strongly associated with variations in the organism. Changes in DNA are referred to as mutations, and result from environmental hazards such as radiation, toxins, etc.

Reproduction is an enormously complex process. At any given moment in the human body, there are thousands of process that, should they fail to complete successfully, would result in death within minutes. For this reason, any given random change in the body is likely to hinder survival and reproduction, not facilitate it. There are far more ways for a mechanism to fail than there are ways to improve it. How many times has a change occurred to your car so that it got much higher than the EPA estimated miles-per-gallon rather than much lower? Thus, the vast majority of DNA mutations result in changes to the body (also called the phenotype) that hinder reproduction. Occasionally, however, a mutation occurs that results in a change to the phenotype that facilitates reproduction. Because this mutation can be passed on to offspring, and because this mutation tends to result in more offspring, the mutation becomes more frequent in the population. Over time, this process will result in organisms that have a sophisticated repertoire of mechanisms that facilitate reproduction

We now have the answer to the question posed above: what functions is the brain likely to perform? If brain tissue is organized like all other tissue, it will perform precisely those functions that facilitate reproduction. More accurately, because evolution by natural selection is an historical process, and because the future cannot be predicted, the brain and body will perform functions that facilitated reproduction (note the past tense). Whether they currently do so will depend on how closely the present resembles the past. If we can develop an accurate picture of a species' reproductive ecology--the set of physical transformations that had to occur over evolutionary time for individuals to reproduce--we can infer those properties the organism is likely to have in order to ensure that those transformations reliably took place. Evolutionary time, the time it takes for reproductively efficacious mutations to arise and spread in the population, is often taken to be roughly 1000-10,000 generations; for humans, that equals about 20,000-200,000 years. Over the last 200,000 years, humans regularly encountered spiders and snakes, creatures whose toxins would have significantly impeded the reproduction of individuals unlucky enough to get injected with them. Over the last 100 years, humans have regularly encountered automobiles, encounters that also can seriously impede reproduction (e.g., by getting run over). Because 200,000 years is long enough for humans to evolve protective mechanisms, but 100 years isn't, we can predict that humans may well possess an innate aversion to spiders and snakes, but not to automobiles--even though far more people are currently killed by cars than by spiders or snakes. Once we have firmly established that avoiding spiders and snakes would have reliably facilitated the reproduction of ancestral humans, we can then design experiments to determine whether humans in fact possess an innate, cognitive ability to detect and avoid these animals (more on how to do this below). A major lesson of evolutionary psychology is that if you want to understand the brain, look deeply at the environment of our ancestors as focused through the lens of reproduction. If the presumptions of evolutionary psychology are correct, the structure of our brains should closely reflect our ancestral reproductive ecology. Thus, evolutionary psychology provides a method for perceiving the functional organization of the brain by studying the world--currently a far more tractable problem than disentangling neural assemblages.



http://www.anth.ucsb.edu/projects/human/epfaq/ep.html


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IDOL
post Jan 29 2007, 10:39 PM
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post Jan 29 2007, 10:42 PM
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evolutionay psychology basically explains ....how human beings evolved over the time period....how it adopted special traits for survival..........the core study:


  • nature and nurturer
  • natural selection
  • Brain and its function



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post Feb 8 2007, 06:02 AM
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ANGER mad.gif



I don't know that every information i am sharing here is new to you or not. Let's assume it's new for some.....

I have watched a Documentary on Anger in "Nature of things by David Suzuki"..& and i had Psych class on Human behavior and Brain..i learned those with extreme anger :



  • low amount of serotonin in prefront lobe causes losing control over behavrior
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post Feb 8 2007, 06:03 AM
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We all know what anger is, and we've all felt it: whether as a fleeting annoyance or as full-fledged rage.

Anger is a completely normal, usually healthy, human emotion. But when it gets out of control and turns destructive, it can lead to problems—problems at work, in your personal relationships, and in the overall quality of your life. And it can make you feel as though you're at the mercy of an unpredictable and powerful emotion. This brochure is meant to help you understand and control anger. What is Anger?

The Nature of Anger



Anger is "an emotional state that varies in intensity from mild irritation to intense fury and rage," according to Charles Spielberger, PhD, a psychologist who specializes in the study of anger. Like other emotions, it is accompanied by physiological and biological changes; when you get angry, your heart rate and blood pressure go up, as do the levels of your energy hormones, adrenaline, and noradrenaline. Anger can be caused by both external and internal events. You could be angry at a specific person (Such as a coworker or supervisor) or event (a traffic jam, a canceled flight), or your anger could be caused by worrying or brooding about your personal problems. Memories of traumatic or enraging events can also trigger angry feelings.

Expressing Anger



The instinctive, natural way to express anger is to respond aggressively. Anger is a natural, adaptive response to threats; it inspires powerful, often aggressive, feelings and behaviors, which allow us to fight and to defend ourselves when we are attacked. A certain amount of anger, therefore, is necessary to our survival.

On the other hand, we can't physically lash out at every person or object that irritates or annoys us; laws, social norms, and common sense place limits on how far our anger can take us.

People use a variety of both conscious and unconscious processes to deal with their angry feelings. The three main approaches are expressing, suppressing, and calming. Expressing your angry feelings in an assertive—not aggressive—manner is the healthiest way to express anger. To do this, you have to learn how to make clear what your needs are, and how to get them met, without hurting others. Being assertive doesn't mean being pushy or demanding; it means being respectful of yourself and others.

Anger can be suppressed, and then converted or redirected. This happens when you hold in your anger, stop thinking about it, and focus on something positive. The aim is to inhibit or suppress your anger and convert it into more constructive behavior. The danger in this type of response is that if it isn't allowed outward expression, your anger can turn inward—on yourself. Anger turned inward may cause hypertension, high blood pressure, or depression.

Unexpressed anger can create other problems. It can lead to pathological expressions of anger, such as passive-aggressive behavior (getting back at people indirectly, without telling them why, rather than confronting them head-on) or a personality that seems perpetually cynical and hostile. People who are constantly putting others down, criticizing everything, and making cynical comments haven't learned how to constructively express their anger. Not surprisingly, they aren't likely to have many successful relationships.

Finally, you can calm down inside. This means not just controlling your outward behavior, but also controlling your internal responses, taking steps to lower your heart rate, calm yourself down, and let the feelings subside. As Dr. Spielberger notes, "when none of these three techniques work, that's when someone—or something—is going to get hurt."

Anger Management

The goal of anger management is to reduce both your emotional feelings and the physiological arousal that anger causes. You can't get rid of, or avoid, the things or the people that enrage you, nor can you change them, but you can learn to control your reactions.

Are You Too Angry?

There are psychological tests that measure the intensity of angry feelings, how prone to anger you are, and how well you handle it. But chances are good that if you do have a problem with anger, you already know it. If you find yourself acting in ways that seem out of control and frightening, you might need help finding better ways to deal with this emotion.

Why Are Some People More Angry Than Others?



According to Jerry Deffenbacher, PhD, a psychologist who specializes in anger management, some people really are more "hotheaded" than others are; they get angry more easily and more intensely than the average person does. There are also those who don't show their anger in loud spectacular ways but are chronically irritable and grumpy. Easily angered people don't always curse and throw things; sometimes they withdraw socially, sulk, or get physically ill.

People who are easily angered generally have what some psychologists call a low tolerance for frustration, meaning simply that they feel that they should not have to be subjected to frustration, inconvenience, or annoyance. They can't take things in stride, and they're particularly infuriated if the situation seems somehow unjust: for example, being corrected for a minor mistake.

What makes these people this way? A number of things. One cause may be genetic or physiological: There is evidence that some children are born irritable, touchy, and easily angered, and that these signs are present from a very early age. Another may be sociocultural. Anger is often regarded as negative; we're taught that it's all right to express anxiety, depression, or other emotions but not to express anger. As a result, we don't learn how to handle it or channel it constructively. Research has also found that family background plays a role. Typically, people who are easily angered come from families that are disruptive, chaotic, and not skilled at emotional communications.

Is It Good To "Let it All Hang Out?"



Psychologists now say that this is a dangerous myth. Some people use this theory as a license to hurt others. Research has found that "letting it rip" with anger actually escalates anger and aggression and does nothing to help you (or the person you're angry with) resolve the situation. It's best to find out what it is that triggers your anger, and then to develop strategies to keep those triggers from tipping you over the edge.

Strategies To Keep Anger At Bay

Relaxation

Simple relaxation tools, such as deep breathing and relaxing imagery, can help calm down angry feelings. There are books and courses that can teach you relaxation techniques, and once you learn the techniques, you can call upon them in any situation. If you are involved in a relationship where both partners are hot-tempered, it might be a good idea for both of you to learn these techniques.

Some simple steps you can try:
  • Breathe deeply, from your diaphragm; breathing from your chest won't relax you. Picture your breath coming up from your "gut."
  • Slowly repeat a calm word or phrase such as "relax," "take it easy." Repeat it to yourself while breathing deeply.
  • Use imagery; visualize a relaxing experience, from either your memory or your imagination.
  • Nonstrenuous, slow yoga-like exercises can relax your muscles and make you feel much calmer.
Practice these techniques daily. Learn to use them automatically when you're in a tense situation.

Cognitive Restructuring



Simply put, this means changing the way you think. Angry people tend to curse, swear, or speak in highly colorful terms that reflect their inner thoughts. When you're angry, your thinking can get very exaggerated and overly dramatic. Try replacing these thoughts with more rational ones. For instance, instead of telling yourself, "oh, it's awful, it's terrible, everything's ruined," tell yourself, "it's frustrating, and it's understandable that I'm upset about it, but it's not the end of the world and getting angry is not going to fix it anyhow."

Be careful of words like "never" or "always" when talking about yourself or someone else. "This !&*%@ machine never works," or "you're always forgetting things" are not just inaccurate, they also serve to make you feel that your anger is justified and that there's no way to solve the problem. They also alienate and humiliate people who might otherwise be willing to work with you on a solution.

Remind yourself that getting angry is not going to fix anything, that it won't make you feel better (and may actually make you feel worse). Logic defeats anger, because anger, even when it's justified, can quickly become irrational. So use cold hard logic on yourself. Remind yourself that the world is "not out to get you," you're just experiencing some of the rough spots of daily life. Do this each time you feel anger getting the best of you, and it'll help you get a more balanced perspective. Angry people tend to demand things: fairness, appreciation, agreement, willingness to do things their way. Everyone wants these things, and we are all hurt and disappointed when we don't get them, but angry people demand them, and when their demands aren't met, their disappointment becomes anger. As part of their cognitive restructuring, angry people need to become aware of their demanding nature and translate their expectations into desires. In other words, saying, "I would like" something is healthier than saying, "I demand" or "I must have" something. When you're unable to get what you want, you will experience the normal reactions—frustration, disappointment, hurt—but not anger. Some angry people use this anger as a way to avoid feeling hurt, but that doesn't mean the hurt goes away.

Problem Solving



Sometimes, our anger and frustration are caused by very real and inescapable problems in our lives. Not all anger is misplaced, and often it's a healthy, natural response to these difficulties. There is also a cultural belief that every problem has a solution, and it adds to our frustration to find out that this isn't always the case. The best attitude to bring to such a situation, then, is not to focus on finding the solution, but rather on how you handle and face the problem. Make a plan, and check your progress along the way. Resolve to give it your best, but also not to punish yourself if an answer doesn't come right away. If you can approach it with your best intentions and efforts and make a serious attempt to face it head-on, you will be less likely to lose patience and fall into all-or-nothing thinking, even if the problem does not get solved right away.

Better Communication



Angry people tend to jump to—and act on—conclusions, and some of those conclusions can be very inaccurate. The first thing to do if you're in a heated discussion is slow down and think through your responses. Don't say the first thing that comes into your head, but slow down and think carefully about what you want to say. At the same time, listen carefully to what the other person is saying and take your time before answering.

Listen, too, to what is underlying the anger. For instance, you like a certain amount of freedom and personal space, and your "significant other" wants more connection and closeness. If he or she starts complaining about your activities, don't retaliate by painting your partner as a jailer, a warden, or an albatross around your neck. It's natural to get defensive when you're criticized, but don't fight back. Instead, listen to what's underlying the words: the message that this person might feel neglected and unloved. It may take a lot of patient questioning on your part, and it may require some breathing space, but don't let your anger—or a partner's—let a discussion spin out of control. Keeping your cool can keep the situation from becoming a disastrous one.

Using Humor



"Silly humor" can help defuse rage in a number of ways. For one thing, it can help you get a more balanced perspective. When you get angry and call someone a name or refer to them in some imaginative phrase, stop and picture what that word would literally look like. If you're at work and you think of a coworker as a "dirtbag" or a "single-cell life form," for example, picture a large bag full of dirt (or an amoeba) sitting at your colleague's desk, talking on the phone, going to meetings. Do this whenever a name comes into your head about another person. If you can, draw a picture of what the actual thing might look like. This will take a lot of the edge off your fury; and humor can always be relied on to help unknot a tense situation.

The underlying message of highly angry people, Dr. Deffenbacher says, is "things oughta go my way!" Angry people tend to feel that they are morally right, that any blocking or changing of their plans is an unbearable indignity and that they should NOT have to suffer this way. Maybe other people do, but not them!

When you feel that urge, he suggests, picture yourself as a god or goddess, a supreme ruler, who owns the streets and stores and office space, striding alone and having your way in all situations while others defer to you. The more detail you can get into your imaginary scenes, the more chances you have to realize that maybe you are being unreasonable; you'll also realize how unimportant the things you're angry about really are. There are two cautions in using humor. First, don't try to just "laugh off" your problems; rather, use humor to help yourself face them more constructively. Second, don't give in to harsh, sarcastic humor; that's just another form of unhealthy anger expression. What these techniques have in common is a refusal to take yourself too seriously. Anger is a serious emotion, but it's often accompanied by ideas that, if examined, can make you laugh.

Changing Your Environment



Sometimes it's our immediate surroundings that give us cause for irritation and fury. Problems and responsibilities can weigh on you and make you feel angry at the "trap" you seem to have fallen into and all the people and things that form that trap. Give yourself a break. Make sure you have some "personal time" scheduled for times of the day that you know are particularly stressful. One example is the working mother who has a standing rule that when she comes home from work, for the first 15 minutes "nobody talks to Mom unless the house is on fire." After this brief quiet time, she feels better prepared to handle demands from her kids without blowing up at them.

Some Other Tips for Easing Up on Yourself



Timing: If you and your spouse tend to fight when you discuss things at night—perhaps you're tired, or distracted, or maybe it's just habit—try changing the times when you talk about important matters so these talks don't turn into arguments.

Avoidance: If your child's chaotic room makes you furious every time you walk by it, shut the door. Don't make yourself look at what infuriates you. Don't say, "well, my child should clean up the room so I won't have to be angry!" That's not the point. The point is to keep yourself calm. Finding alternatives: If your daily commute through traffic leaves you in a state of rage and frustration, give yourself a project—learn or map out a different route, one that's less congested or more scenic. Or find another alternative, such as a bus or commuter train.

Do You Need Counseling?



If you feel that your anger is really out of control, if it is having an impact on your relationships and on important parts of your life, you might consider counseling to learn how to handle it better. A psychologist or other licensed mental health professional can work with you in developing a range of techniques for changing your thinking and your behavior. When you talk to a prospective therapist, tell her or him that you have problems with anger that you want to work on, and ask about his or her approach to anger management. Make sure this isn't only a course of action designed to "put you in touch with your feelings and express them"—that may be precisely what your problem is. With counseling, psychologists say, a highly angry person can move closer to a middle range of anger in about 8 to 10 weeks, depending on the circumstances and the techniques used.

What About Assertiveness Training?



It's true that angry people need to learn to become assertive (rather than aggressive), but most books and courses on developing assertiveness are aimed at people who don't feel enough anger. These people are more passive and acquiescent than the average person; they tend to let others walk all over them. That isn't something that most angry people do. Still, these books can contain some useful tactics to use in frustrating situations. Remember, you can't eliminate anger—and it wouldn't be a good idea if you could. In spite of all your efforts, things will happen that will cause you anger; and sometimes it will be justifiable anger. Life will be filled with frustration, pain, loss, and the unpredictable actions of others. You can't change that; but you can change the way you let such events affect you. Controlling your angry responses can keep them from making you even more unhappy in the long run.



http://www.apa.org/pubinfo/anger.html#anger


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IDOL
post Apr 8 2007, 06:58 AM
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Abraham Maslow's humanistic approach....

at level one, we only need food, shelter and other basic needs.....at level two, we need safety....level three, we need love and acceptance from society and people in our life....level four, close to peak, we need self esteem, love for self........and top, peak we can be at the best we are...self understanding...that's how Maslow thinks about human personality.....




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post Apr 8 2007, 07:18 AM
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we control stress in two ways: active and passive



passive............avoid the problem ......watch a movie/sleep/call a friend/go out.......result: pain is fooled, but problem is there



active:



emotion focused: ....search the problem, re-interpret it, seek soial support......result: less pain, problem is still there....

problem focused: ...find the problem, gather information, find ways...............result: less stress, problem may solve

proactive coping:........recognize the source you get stress from, fix it......result: no pain, no problem


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post Apr 8 2007, 07:22 AM
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low level of serotonin in brain.....................more depression/stress/violance

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post Apr 10 2007, 10:01 AM
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Very very absorbing topics. Thanx 4 sharing IDOL.

Noorie

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"During times of universal deceit, telling the truth becomes a revolutionary act"

"You have enemies? Good! It means that you stood up for something, sometime in your life."
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