Bollywood Humor, jokes & funny pix about Bollywood - pls add if you have any.. Options

[Sharmila-Sweet]

If Amir acts in Chak De India

1.Aamir would have kissed preety sabarwal.

2.Aamir would have stolen d script from jaideep sahni/smit amin and claim that he was the director of cdi.

3.Aamir would have kissed vidya sharma with several retakes.

4. In the scene where bindia naik seduces kabir khan....aamir wud have slapped bindia naik so as to create more dramatic feel.

5. Aamir would have kissed aliya bose.

6. When aamir first appears in front of the players he would be dressed as joker and would be entertaining the grls with a song.

7. In interval scene Aamir will participate along with the girls to kick boys' asses.

8.Finals would be between India and pakistan and not India and australia so as to create even more dramatic feel

11. In the beginning kabir khan would be a cynic/immatured/carefree hockey player and later due to circumstances, would transform into a gr8 coach

12. ....and finally after match finishes Aamir would marry komal(height factor)

[Sharmila-Sweet]

Before Amitabh Bachchan's contract for Kaun Banega Crorepati Star plus has taken some auditions for anchor, here are a few new auditions for the show.

Nana Patekar : Jaldi se jawab bol. Sahi jawab tere ko lakhpati bana dalega. Galat jawab tere ko hijda bana dega.

Shatrughan Sinha : Khamosh ! Bihari babu ke saamne zaban chalata hai. Tera cheque phaad ke phek doonga.

Dharmendra : Galat jawab ! Kutte Kameene, main tera khoon pee jaoonga.

Amrish Puri : Sahi jawab ! Mogambo khush hua!

Amjad Khan : Kitne options the Chaar! Soover ke bachchon! Chaar chaar options! Bahut na-insaafi hai! Dhish-keoin Dhish-keoin! 50-50 kar ke do galat jawab main uda diye. Ab bol, tera kaya hoga kaaliya?

Sanjay Dutt : Aye item log, kaye ko udhar khada hai? Idhar aake mere pass baith jaa. Kya be chikne - tere ko aata hai to bol dal varna main tere ko idhar-eech phod dalega.

Raj Kumar : Jaani, huuum, hhhuuuum hote to apne dost ko phone kar ke sawaal pooch lete.

Jagdeep : Bole to Soorma Bhopali - meri jeb ho gayi khaali. Mere pass to koi cheque nahin hain. Arre mujhko jaane do.

Mithun Chakraborty : Eeyaeech ! Tu audience poll karega? Aye, yahan ke public ke paas time nahin hai. Kya nahin hai? Time nahin hai.

Kesto Mukherji : Hee-heek. Hee-yaik. Apne ko sab kuch do-do dikh rahela hai. Hee-heek. Yeh aath options kidhar se aa gaye Hee-yok. Apne ko bahut chad gayeli hai.

Jeetendra : Lekin kyoon? ( groan ) Aap aisa kyoon kar rahe hai? (whine) Aap kabhi bhi game chod kar jaa sakte hai.

Ashok Kumar : To abhi aapne yeh dekha ( wheeze ), ki yahan se Delhi ke Ramesh Kumar ( gasp ), yahan se Rs. 20,000 leke chale gaye. ( groan ). Kal aur dus logon ko leke phir milenge Hum Log ( croak )