Computer Diagnosis, <br />10 Things In Golf That Sound Dirty |
Computer Diagnosis, <br />10 Things In Golf That Sound Dirty |
catch22 |
Mar 22 2005, 01:16 AM
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#1
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Dedicated Member Group: Away Posts: 2985 Joined: 29-October 04 Member No.: 1172 |
Computer Diagnosis
One day Bill complained to his friend, "My elbow really hurts, I guess I should see a doctor." His friend said, "Don't do that. There's a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor. Just put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. It only costs ten dollars." Bill figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause out popped a small slip of paper on which was printed: You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water. Avoid heavy lifting. It will be better in two weeks. Late that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this machine could be fooled. He decided to give it a try. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction. He went back to the drug store, located the machine, poured in the sample, and deposited the $10. The computer made the usual noise and printed out the following message: Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. Your dog has worms. Get him vitamins. Your daughter is using cocaine. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic. Your wife is pregnant with twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer. And if you don't stop jerking off, your tennis elbow will never get better ________________________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________ 10 Things In Golf That Sound Dirty 1. Look at the size of his putter. 2. Oh, dang, my shaft's all bent. 3. You really wacked the hell out of that sucker. 4. After 18 holes I can barely walk. 5. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip. 6. Lift your head and spread your legs. 7. You have a nice stroke, but your follow through leaves a lot to be desired. 8. Just turn your back and drop it. 9. Hold up. I've got to wash my balls. 10. Damn, I missed the hole again. "The moment we want to believe something, we suddenly see all the arguments for it, and become blind to the arguments against it."
"Reading made Don Quixote a gentleman, but believing what he read made him mad. " "You'll never have a quiet world till you knock the patriotism out of the human race. " George Bernard Shaw |
parag_sankla |
May 8 2009, 12:38 AM
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#2
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Dedicated Member Group: Members Posts: 14260 Joined: 8-May 06 From: SFO Bay Area, US Member No.: 6005 |
Nice ones!
Cheers Parag Please visit www.geetadutt.com
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