Your Horoscope For 2008>>>> Options

[pinky]

Aries March 21 - April 19

You will see remarkable growth and success in 2008. Sadly, what you won't see is that gasoline truck careening your way...
Once again you'll wind up with the kind of ambulance driver who thinks he can blow the flames out if he just drives fast enough.


Taurus April 20 - May 20

The hands of fate will lead you to new answers in March. Then, when nobody is looking, they will touch you in an inappropriate place...
An attempt to concentrate on more intellectual pursuits will ultimately fail this week, thanks to that shiny thing over there.

Gemini May 21 - June 21

You will be filled with life in the coming year, thanks to roughly 4,000 spider eggs and a sudden temperature rise in your inner ear...
The kinder stars have decreed that you shall be wealthy and happy. Unfortunately, the far more numerous malevolent stars have decided to send an out-of-control bus screaming toward you.
You've never been one to believe in God, but then He does seem pretty sure about Canberra being the capital of Australia.

Cancer June 22 - July 22

Don't get discouraged if things don't go your way during the first half of the year. There will be plenty of time for that during the second half of the year...
You may say there's nothing wrong with you that a week in the Bahamas won't cure, but the stars recommend you get the chemotherapy.
Most firearm accidents occur in the home. Avoid the chance of serious injury by getting shot repeatedly at work this week.

Leo July 23 - August 22

Be wary of advice from untrustworthy sources this coming June—or maybe it's July. No, wait, it's definitely June. Yeah...
Difficulty telling right from wrong will lead to indulgent behavior this week, which will lead to difficulty telling right from left.
There's no denying that your unique scarecrow design scares the hell out the crows, but it has the disadvantage of filling your yard with infuriated Christians.

Virgo August 23 - September 22

After months of carrying it around, you'll suddenly lose all that excess weight midway through your second trimester...
A secret admirer will leave you an unexpected note, tempting you with both his heartfelt prose and impressive lock- picking skills.
Sure, it may be hard to stay optimistic, but remember: It's called pancreatic cancer, not pancreatic can't-cer!

Libra September 23 - October 23

The stars would tell you to spend more time with loved ones this year, but that pretty much eliminates everyone in your life...
While initially insulted, you'll soon realize that being called an "unfit mother" has little to do with what shape you're in.

Scorpio October 24 - November 21

Remember when you were a little kid and your father went completely insane that one year? Well, the whole thing will feel strangely familiar to you around August...
When life gives you lemons, why not blame them on your troubled upbringing and consequent inability to show affection? It sure beats making lemonade.

Sagittarius November 22 - December 21

Like a shooting star, so too will your outer extremities ignite while hurdling through the earth's atmosphere in May...
Don't worry about what people are saying behind your back this week. Especially considering all the nasty things they'll be saying directly to your face.
You claim that nobody understands your pain, but then how could they with you writhing around on the ground and shrieking unintelligibly all the time?


Capricorn December 22 - January 19

After years of loyalty and hard work, you'll be replaced by an actual metal cog this coming September.
When times are tough and the world around you seems grim, don't be afraid to turn to religion for a good, hearty laugh.

Aquarius January 20 - February 18

While faith has always guided you in life, it will soon leave you with nowhere to turn in death.
Long after your death, many will remember you as the first man ever to simultaneously break both the sound and cement barrier.
There won't be a dry eye in the house this week when support beams collapse under the heat of 10-foot flames and block all available exit routes.

Pisces February 19 - March 20

Love awaits you where you least expect it in 2008—anatomically speaking, that is...
Northerly winds will whisper the name of a former love in your ear, ruthlessly mocking you for having had a relationship with someone called "Ooooouuuuussssshhhhhh."
You will soon meet the greatest love of your life, which, unfortunately, has less to do with the quality of the former than the brevity of the latter.

[simplefable]

Leo July 23 - August 22

Be wary of advice from untrustworthy sources this coming June—or maybe it's July. No, wait, it's definitely June. Yeah...
Difficulty telling right from wrong will lead to indulgent behavior this week, which will lead to difficulty telling right from left.
There's no denying that your unique scarecrow design scares the hell out the crows, but it has the disadvantage of filling your yard with infuriated Christians.

Now..i fear the wrath of the devout christians, especially those in my yard...LOL.

[Reeth]

Aries March 21 - April 19

You will see remarkable growth and success in 2008. Sadly, what you won't see is that gasoline truck careening your way...
Once again you'll wind up with the kind of ambulance driver who thinks he can blow the flames out if he just drives fast enough.

WOW