A Joke

They once said that a black man would be president when pigs fly.

His first 100 days and wham!!

Pig's flu!

Present from France
A married lady took a vacation to France some years ago with one of her girl-friends.

Her husband drove her to the airport and wished her a good trip. The wife asked, "Would you like me to bring something back for you?"

The husband laughed and says, "How about a French girl!"

The lady kept quiet, didn't respond and went into the terminal.

Two weeks later her husband picked her up at the airport and asked, "So, honey, how was the trip?"

"Really great, I loved Paris."

"And, what happened to my present?"

"Which present?"

"What I asked for....the French girl?"

"Oh, that? Well, I did what I could, now we'll have to wait nine months to see if it's a girl."

Itna badiya tha kya

The father of the family asked his young son on his return from school, "So, did you tell your teacher that you were away from school yesterday because you have just had two little brothers?"
The child nodded his head and replied, "Yes, Daddy, but I only told him about one."

"Oh, why was that?"

"I'm saving the other one for next week."

Some Sardar Jokes received in mail. Most seem to be recycled blonde jokes. So no offence to any community in actuality. Posted just for the humour. :-

1.Why are Sardar secret agents the best in the world?
Because even under torture they can't remember what they have been assigned to.

2.Santa: Mom, last night when I opened the toilet door, the light went on itself.
Mother: Idiot, you again peed in the refrigerator!

3. Santa: I kiss my wife everyday before leaving for office, what about u?
Banta: Me too, after u leave.

4. Sardar ji is filling up a job application
He promptly fills in the lines on NAME, AGE, ADDRESS, etc.
Then came the column SALARY EXPECTED
After much thought he writes: Yes

5. Banta: Truck dekhkar tum kaampte kyon ho?
Santa: Ek truck driver meri biwi lekar bhaag gaya tha, har baar lagta hai jaise usko vapas karne aaya hai.

6. A Sardarji goes to a hotel and eats heartily. After eating he goes to wash his hands but starts washing the basin instead.
The manager comes running and asks him, "Prahji, aap kya kar raheho?"
To this the man replies, "Oye, tumne hi to idhar board lagaya hai, "Wash Basin".

7.Santa: My dad was an extremely brave man. He once entered a lion's cage.
Banta: He probably got a lot of applause ven he got out.
Santa: I didn't say he got out.

8. Having lost his donkey a Sardarji, got down to his knees and started thanking God.
A passerby saw him and asked, "Your donkey is missing; what are you thanking God for?"
The Sardarji replied "I am thanking Him for seeing to it that I wasn't riding the donkey at that time, otherwise I would have been missing too.

9. Titanic was sinking.
An englishman asked Santa, "How far is land"?
Santa: 2 KMs.
Englishman jumped into sea.
Englishman: Now, which direction?
Santa: Downwards!

10. Why are Sardar secret agents the best in the world?
Because even under torture they can't remember what they have been assigned to.

11. Santa dials a number. A girl receives the call.
Santa: Who r u?
Girl: Seeta here.
Santa: Maine to Chandigarh phone kiya tha, yeh to Ayodhya mil gaya.

12 Santa joined NASA. After one month the Americans had to change the name from NASA to SATYANASA

13. Santa (reading from book of facts): "Do you know that every time I breathe a man dies?" Banta: "Why don't you use a mouth wash?"

14. Santa ke bagiche mein bahut sare ped - paudhe thay, Santa naukar ko bola ped-paudhon ko pani dal.
Naukar: Sahab baarish ho rahi hai.
Santa: Abe to Chatri leke dal.

15. Santa walks into a library & says, "Can I have a burger and coke?"
Librarian, "I'm sorry, this is a library."
Santa whispers, "Can I have a burger & fries?"

16. Lady to inspector Santa: My husband went to buy potatos 5 days ago, he hasn't came back yet!
Santa: Why don't u cook something else?

This post has been edited by hildebrand: Jun 16 2009, 03:52 PM

HB

I don't think any Sikh member would be offended by these jokes. The are rehashed from country to country so in Pakistan, the same joke would apply to Pathans, in the UK to the Irish, in the EU to the Polish etc. Its never personal and all in the spirit of fun.

Here are some more hilarious Sardar jokes:

Sardar Ji orders a pizza.
Waiter: Sir, should I cut it into 4 pieces or 8 pieces?
Sardar: 4 hi karde. 8 khaye nahi jayenge.

In an interview, for an engineering position
Interviewer: How does an electric motor run?
Sardar: Dhuurrrrrrrrrr....
Interviewer shouts: Stop it!
Sardar: Dhurrrr dhup dhup dup dup....

Santa and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from Patiyala to New Delhi. The lawyer asks if he would like to play a fun game. Santa, tired, just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He says, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me fifty rupees, and vice versa." Again, Santa declines and tries to get some sleep.

The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer, you pay me Rs. 50, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you Rs. 5000." This catches Santa's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment, agrees to the game. The lawyer asks the first question: "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" Santa doesn't say a word, reaches into his purse, pulls out a Rs. 50 bill, and hands it to the lawyer. "Okay," says the lawyer, "your turn." Santa asks, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes back with four legs?" The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references ... no answer.

He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the Internet and the Library of Congress ... no answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers but to no avail. After an hour, he wakes Santa and hands him Rs. 5000. Santa thanks him and turns back to get some more sleep. The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, stirs Santa and asks, "Well, what's the answer?" Without a word, Santa reaches into his purse, hands the lawyer Rs. 50, and goes back to sleep. And you thought Sardars were dumb.

Obscene Joke - definitely not for minors or prudes!
A monk who's been sheltered all of his life has to travel to the big city to meet his friend, a Catholic nun.

On the streets of the city, he encounters a prostitute who says: "Blowjob? Five dollars?"

"No, thank you!" the monk says, blushing.

He moves on to the next street corner and another hooker asks him, "Blowjob? Five dollars?"

He hurriedly rushes down the streets but on each corner there's a woman asking if he wants a blowjob. By the time he reaches the convent, he's very upset.

He asks his friend the nun, "Sister, what's a "blowjob?"

She says, "Five dollars."

Michael Jackson Jokes
Apart from his wonderful music, Michael Jackson also inspired a sub-genre of jokes called MJ jokes. A lot dealt with the molestation acccusations - which were probably untrue. But, while we remember the passing of a legend, lets also remember some of the jokes we heard targeting him:

What famous celebrity had the most children over the last 10 years?
~Michael Jackson.

Q: Have you heard about Michael Jackson's New Book?
A: It's called, "The In's and Out's of Child Rearing

Q: What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag?
A: One is white, made out of plastic, and dangerous for kids to play with and the other you carry your groceries in !!

`Did you hear about Michael Jackson's toaster?
~The bread goes in brown, and comes out white

Q: How does Michael Jackson pick his nose?
A: From a catalogue.

`What does Michael Jackson reminisce about when he gets nostalgic?
~Blowing his first nose.

He asked his wife's doctor how soon after the birth could he have sex.
The doctor told him he should wait until the kid is at least 12 or 13 years old

The Pope has issued a proclamation on Michael Jackson. If he hears any more allegations about little boys, the Pope says he'll have no choice but to make him a priest.

"After turning himself in yesterday, Michael Jackson was placed in handcuffs. I think he helped his case when he asked 'These are neat, do they come in smaller sizes?" - Jay Leno

Q: What did Michael Jackson tell the little boy?
A: "The way you make me feel, it really turns me on!"

Q: Why does Michael Jackson like twenty eight year olds?
A: Because there are twenty of them.

Q: Why does Michael Jackson have a tough guy reputation?
A: He has licked every kid on the block.

Q: What's Micheal Jackson's Chinese name?
A: Melikeemyoung.

Nice ones Faraaj.

"The state of New Hampshire is going to allow prison inmates to enter into civil unions... which is good news for inmates who are in love — but bad news for their cell mates."
Jay Leno

This post has been edited by Faraaj73: Jun 29 2009, 04:20 PM

An American was backpacking across the highlands, when he came across a small village where he decided to spend the night.

Upon entering the local pub that evening for some drinks with the locals, he found himself in a conversation with one particularly drunk and indignant individual.

"Ya see that fence out there?" The old man asked the backpacker. "I built that fence with me own hands. But ya think they call me MacGregor the fence builder? No!"

"And that church out there. I hoisted the bell up to the top with me own hands. But ya think they call me MacGregor the church builder? No!"

And that bridge. I put it together stone by stone. But ya think they call me MacGregor the bridge builder? No!"

"But ya ***** one goat..."